Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Breaking - Super Bowl Trophy actually Drug Paraphernalia 

After being initially noticed by an analyst at CNN, it would appear that the the concerns have been confirmed. The Super Bowl trophy, awarded to the Seattle Seahawks just weeks ago is in fact a huge marijuana smoking device. 

The large dent in the back of the football, which was overlooked at first as a mistake on behalf of the welder is now being called the Super Bowl of the Super Bowl, after being formally acknowledge by the NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. 

"Given the legality of Marijuana in each respective opponents home states, we thought that the super pipe would be a great way to help them wind down after an intense game of football." claimed Roger Goodell in a press address earlier this morning. "I'm not saying that players should be high all the time or anything, but c'mon man, if I was Russell Wilson, I think I deserve more than a generous hit off some good kush," added Goodell after jokingly suggesting that "Perhaps Payton took a huge rip from that football prior the game." 

The news comes as somewhat of a slap in the face to New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg, who released an official statement following Goodell's press release that stated, "Given the marijuana laws in the state of New York, I am surprised that Mr. Goodell would pull such a stunt. Having such a device in New York City is illegal and will remain illegal. It is unfortunate that such a ploy was committed behind my back. We plan to utilize all legal action available to punish those involved in this immature stunt." 

Despite generating a huge amount of controversy, the CNN analyst, Dennis Fischer, is being regarded highly for discovering the truth behind the trophy. "Initially, I thought that it was a mistake, or maybe a dent to remember all of those affected by concussions, but then I realized holy sh&t, that thing is a giant f*&king piece." claimed Fischer. He also added that in light of his detective work, he think he deserves "One massive hit of that sweet football." 

Reports of whether or not the device have actually been used have not surfaced yet, but numerous tweets from clearly baked Seahawks have provided some insight into that issue. Most notably was a tweet by Super Bowl MVP Malcom Smith that read, "Bout to eat me some mother f*&king munchies, damn you mista footballlllllll #mvp #manningdefeat."
 





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